youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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