In the future we'll all be gay
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Are my feet made of real feet?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
