i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
