just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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