i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
