I accidentally had phone sex last night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
