Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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