i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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