ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
