Houston, we have a squirter
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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