i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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