White coat. Heels.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
