He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
