thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
