my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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