if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i already hear my dad disowning me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
