DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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