Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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