I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize