Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
