you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
