she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
