Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
