i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
