He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
