I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
