This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
