Screwed.edu
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
