Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
