I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
