i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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