May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
