would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
