I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
