Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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