Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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