the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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