Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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