i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
