3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I want to fling myself into the sun
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
