when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
