I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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