"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
