just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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