can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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