Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
my liver is dry heaving
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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