last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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