Plan B is the new Plan A
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
