Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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