I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
