walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
