I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
