Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
someone owes me an orgasm
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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