Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
