please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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