It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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