the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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