i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
