i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
