So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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