Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She's like a pop up book from hell.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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