How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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