a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
