Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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