So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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