I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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