how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
