i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
