I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
